Tuesday, December 11, 2012

"A Father's Plight"

There are many joys that come with having 5 kids.  I suppose one of the benefits is having the opportunity to learn, grow and become a better father along the way.  I guess that sucks for the older children who were forced to endure the twists and turns of a young parent trying to learn on the fly.

As this year ends and a new one begins I hope to bring more balance into my lyfe especially in the area of parenting.  My oldest daughter turns 17 in four days and I find myself reflecting on the job I've done preparing her for the world.  I guess time will tell.

I know that no matter how hard I try I can't save her from herself.
I can't protect her from this world or reshuffle the deck that's dealt.

I realize in my efforts to teach her I lost sight of the big picture.  I confronted every issue in the name of consistency and by doing so I became inconsistent with the love I showed.  I could easily shift the blame to another name, bringing my past into focus but the truth doesn't always bring justice.

I find solace in my regrets
Because that means there were attempts
I bare the responsibility alone
I am the Captain of this ship
So in the coming weeks or months
As she prepares to leave the nest
I did the best that I knew
And what I knew was nothing less
Just because I tried...doesn't mean I passed every test
I learn as I go and change it up as I raise the rest
I love her
But it's time to let her go
Let her spread her wings as I watch from the window
Lord she's yours so I release her to your care
Help her weather the storms
Let her know that you're right there
And every decision or choice should not be made without prayer
Lord I pray
That all my wrongs you'll make right
All the mistakes I made she won't repeat in her lyfe
Help me to continue to grow
So I can stand through this long fight
And in the process becoming a better FATHER.....I just might! By Unique

Friday, July 20, 2012

Fatal Truth

Stop Look and Listen
Look into their eyez
Listen to their cries
Internal bleeding it's a wonder how their still alive

Born into a lyfe of nothin
Poverty stricken
Offer their dream up for consumption
Swallow their pride
Tell their story

"In the lyfe and times of a juvie..." Criminal minds
Law and Order makes their lives shorter
Their doin time
Meds upon Meds
Now they've lost their mind
Leave them in that veggie state
Now that's a lonely place
All they do is eat, sleep and defecate

Now that just one facet of this story see
The truth is a lot of juvies are locked down cause they want to be
The system brings them in
They want to hold their hand
Then release them even though they don't understand
The need for respect
The purpose of manners
Their walkin out the doors
Their smilin for the cameras

It's politics...It makes me sick...It's a dirty game
But somehow I'm apart of it
I see what's goin down
When I look around
But I don't say a thing
Because that money green
Bills are gettin paid...stackin chips put them back for them rainy days

Now that's damn shame
I've silenced my voice
I could speak the truth
But who am I to tell these crooks what they need to do
I aint ever scared to tell it like it is
But I have obligations...I have a wife and kids

We live in a world where money talks and moral walk
Say too much much and find your body outlined in the chalk
Like MLK and Malcolm X even Kennedy had that scope aimed at his neck
How quickly we forget
The victims of the cover ups
The plots and the set ups
You often pay the price when you stand up

But even still....

Lyfes a precious gift...Take it away and I guarantee I'll be missin it
With the blue skies...Sunsets
A billion plus folks I haven't met yet
Touched yet
Connect with....We can build but then tell me what's next
keep it movin ...without regret
I'm on my grind losin time so I aint slept
Scratch the surface
Where's my purpose
Fulfill my dream... then close the curtain.......I'M Done!

By Unique 

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Happ I Ness....

Happiness can be explained in a number of ways depending on who you talk to.  Sometimes I think happiness is a fictitious concept that we all chase but haven’t met.  In the faces of many lies a fa├žade of happiness, a mirage that projects smiles and laughter overshadowing the frowns and tears.  Until death do us part. Does that mean when the heart stops beating or when the heart no longer beats as it once did? Happiness, yea it’s a beautiful thing and we are lucky if in this lyfe we see, feel or obtain a mere fraction of it.  Do relationships have an expiration date? If so maybe folks will start grabbing them from the back.  Do we preserve our relationships? Or do we leave them on counter to spoil, with all intentions to get it later? I wonder if that’s what happened to Will and Jada. 

I wonder if that is how God designed it, that the only true and lasting love would come from above. And that we would spend a lifetime in search of what’s virtually impossible to obtain for a substantial length of time.  God said man shouldn’t be alone so he created man a helper and called her woman.  I wonder why I have never read anything about their love.  I could be wrong but I simply cannot recall love being depicted throughout Genesis in regards to Adam and Eve. Why? Were they in love? Or were they just placed together for the purposes of multiplying and helping maintain the world that the God had created? 

Am I happy?  I can say without a shadow of a doubt that I am.  It is amazing how in the still of the night the realizations that come to me.  As I reflect on how good God truly is and all that he has blessed me with. It pales in comparison to another because this lyfe and this time are mine and mine alone. I love my wife and my emotions are heightened with affection for her even in those moments of frustration to her imperfections.  So like Adam I too was given a woman, a helper, a partner and throughout the chapters so far my Love for her is mentioned time and time again.

"Happiness is selfless
So I exclude myself from the picture
But at your lowest moment, know that I am here with you"

By Unique

Monday, January 23, 2012

No Book

I imagine at one point or another every parent asks themselves “Where did I go wrong”.  The thought of failing as a parent despite your efforts is a heavy burden to shoulder.  As parents you want the best for your kids and you try to instill in them all that they need to tackle this thing called LIFE. With all the books that have been written on parenting, I doubt any of them really hold the secret to being the perfect parent.  The fictitious models that we’ve seen on television with the Huxtables or the Bradys were never really realistic to real life situations.  Being a parent is probably the hardest job in the world and the responsibility that comes with that is enormous.
 On December 15, 1995 my first daughter was born.  I was at a place where I was still trying to figure out my own life.  I was weighed down by the baggage of hurt and pain that I had carried my whole life and I didn’t know which road or which direction I was taking.  The baggage clouded my vision and made it difficult to put dreams into motion so I found myself stagnate, treading water, going nowhere.  I was determined to be a fixture in my child’s life and not repeat a pattern that I had been a part of my life growing up.  She was a girl and despite my immaturity I was focused on teaching her at an early age to be independent and strong, constantly raising the bar and watching her reach it almost every time.  As I look back I think I may have robbed her of her childhood, of just being carefree with little to no responsibility.  I was hard on her but my intentions were pure and delivered out of love.  Maybe I wasn’t the best model in the role I played, as parents we often have to lie in the bed we made and all the things that we meant but we did not say. She is 16 now and of course she knows it all.  I realize I can’t save her from her mistakes it’s her road and her journey that she has to take. 
There’s no book to this and I often reflect on all that I try to do and put into this.  I stay consistent with the tough love; this world thinks little of who you are so it matters what you’re made of.  There’s no book to this, you just do the best you can and know that it hit or miss.  I have good kids but their never as good to you as they are to others which makes receiving the comment “Your kids are so well behaved” hard to except….smirk.  I guess as parents we all hope to release to the world a better extension of ourselves and pray that through the years they did listen, they did learn and when the storm comes they can stand firm……

Sunday, October 9, 2011

The Wave

It was a nice weekend in Indiana, 80 degrees! No complaints here. Because it was so nice a lot of motorcyclists were out on the road, so I saw a lot of the "wave". You know what I'm talking about.....the hand gesture that people riding bikes give to each other when they pass another biker on the road. You also may have seen Jeep drivers do this as well.

What I want to know is where is the mini-van greet? I think we deserve to be put in this category of a general sign of respect for the other. Why aren't we mini van drivers waving at each other.....with acknowledgement that we know what the other is probably going through. There's probably kids yelling at each other in the back seat, babies crying for their mommies, Are we there yet? questioning, change the music station, turn the music up. All those with mini vans know what I'm talking about. So I'm going to start this trend....lol.

Short but sweet this time......J

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

The Remix

Definitions of Remix:
as an alternative version of a recorded song, made from an original version.
to mix again.

Or my own personal definition....take a song and give it a second go around by possibly put someone new in it (ex...jay-z, justin timberlake, or rihanna) make the beat a little faster, a little "funner", and make me want to run it back on replay (haha). 

I define my life, the Bowser Bunch, as a remix...and God was the producer.

Both Unique and I had an original song. We had the first version of our life in our previous marriages...but the intent all along was the REMIX. I mean I know when I hear the remix of a song I rarely go back and listen to the original cuz I like the new version better. For instance, JLo has a song called I'm Real...but I can't even tell you how the original goes cuz the one that is stuck in my head and that I will remember is the remix version with Ja Rule. It's just in general a better song. So is my life...it's a second go around..we aren't a blended family we are a REMIX. And no matter how busy my day is, no matter how many times Amaria screams at me cuz she figures that's how she communicates in this loud family...I'll run this remix back on replay all day! (Trae on the drums, Kiki on the keyboard, Day on the guitar, Kel mixin, Nique on the vocals, and Me and the Munchkin back up

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

It's Not A Game!

As the opening of the NFL season approaches I can’t begin to express the level of excitement I feel.  It has been a long agonizing offseason, full of unknowns, with the increasing possibilities of a lost 2011 season. But now the wait is over. The season is days away and many of us will begin to ride the emotional rollercoaster of highs and lows as we follow our cherished team.  The time spent following them in the offseason, tracking all of the moves in personnel, and even the financial status of the team and their ability to improve. Wow! Is this a sickness? Is there something wrong with devoting so much time and energy to a sport team that offers so little in return? 

I have a long standing relationship with the New York Football Giants that extends 20 plus years.  It can be as crazy as any other relationship at times.  A love/hate relationship, in which any given Sunday they can break my heart, let me down and disappoint to no end.  In the very next breath or week they can bring a level of joy and happiness because of the way they performed and fought to win the game.

I love football.  I love the competitiveness and the mental focus it takes to win.  I love the physical nature of the game.  Being a defensive player in my day, there is nothing like delivering a hit on an offensive player, dislodging the ball and watching as they struggle to get to their feet.  But today, in this moment I was hit with the bigger picture.

The season kicks off Thursday for 2 teams but for the other 30 teams it begins on September 11, 2011.  This marks the 10 year anniversary of the most devastating attack this country has faced since Pearl Harbor. So as I sit here anxiously awaiting the start of the season, I realize there are millions of friends and family members revisiting the pain, agony and devastation of the moment when they first heard the news or saw the impact.  There will be over 6000 grave site visited, specifically because of that fateful day.  I think about how close I came to losing my children’s mother in the pentagon.  How my life and the life of my children would have changed had she been a part of that 6000.  I am humbled and ever so thankful that the Lord spared her and therefore sparing me and our 3 children the unimaginable grief while attempting to pick up the pieces.

I wonder how the day began for the 6000 people who lost their life 10 years ago.  I would imagine that it began like any other Tuesday, in which we dread the long week ahead of us, alarms fail to go off, and cars won’t start, not to mention the traffic that’s so thick you wonder why it is you even own a vehicle.  What about the argument that morning between spouses or the night before in which they left the house not speaking to each other. It’s like a horror movie to imagine those folks morning and what each person encountered, not knowing that it would be their last.  How did your morning start? What have you taken for granted this morning? I can only imagine the things those people would do different if they had the chance.  All the things they thought were so important but were really just meaningless.  All of the regrets they were forced to take with them without the opportunity to make amend.

I used to always say “It's Not A Game” as I referred to football.  I guess that speaks to the intensity in which I viewed the game.  The truth is, at the end of the day it is a game and it is trivial to say the least when stacked up against the important issues we faced today.

I think it is important that we keep the proper perspective, stay grounded and remain humbled to the chances that we have every day to enjoy life. There is beauty that is ever present regardless if the sun doesn’t shine, the rain starts to pour, and the temperature goes from 87 to 54, trust me it’s there.  Did you look? Can you see it? I did …….and I do.  By Unique